Parks & Recreation

Lately, I’ve been missing Parks & Recreation. I’m not sure how my life will be now that the best show in the universe is over. However, I have decided that I will channel this longing into a blog that ranks the top 28 Parks & Recreation characters based on how awesome I think they are and my favorite quote from them. If you have no knowledge of Parks & Recreation, this blogpost has no appeal to you, and I’m sorry. I will suggest that you watch Parks & Recreation then you will fall in love with this TV show and then you can come back to read this.

Note: This list is constantly changing in my mind so do not feel like this is a final list.

28. Marcia Langman – “Why am I upset? Uh, let’s start with government funded animal porn.”

27. Tynnyfer – “Oh wait. Hang on. It’s Xanax o’clock.”

26. Ed – “If anybody wants to hang, I will be at Subway.”

25. Greg Pikitis – “You know, I like Knope. I screw with her because she gets all riled up and her face gets all scrunched up like this.”

24. Bill Dexhart – “In my defense, it was my birthday, and I really wanted to do it.”

23. Ken Hotate – “There are two things I know about white people: they love Rachel Ray, and they are terrified of curses.”

22. Jeremy Jamm – “You just got Jammed.”

21. Perd Hapley – “I’m Perd Hapley, and I just realized I’m not holding my microphone.”

20. Brandi Maxxxx – “What Leslie and I do is obviously art.” “[Oh. Hang on. There is a big difference between an oil painting of a Greek myth and a pornographic movie.]”

19. Joan Callamezzo – “I’ll have the Joan. It’s a tumbler of gin, and it’s got crushed aspirin around the rim.”

18. Tammy One – “I don’t think it will be necessary for you to speak again while I’m here.”

17. Bobby Newport – “My name’s Bobby Newport. And my dad was friends with John Cougar Mellencamp. It’s pretty cool.”

16. Ethel Beavers – “That was beautiful. I’m literally crying and jumping. Crying noise. Crying noise. Nose blow.”

15. Chris Traeger – “Stop. Pooping.”

14. Jerry Gergich – “I think Comic Sans always screams fun.”

13. Ann Perkins – “Jogging is the worst, Chris. I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?”

12. Ben Wyatt – “There’s like a 30% chance they’ll both die.”

11. Jean-Ralphio Saperstein – “Why don’t you turn that frizown upsidizity?”

10. Craig Middlebrooks – “Oh, I have a medical condition all right. It’s called caring too much! And it’s incurable!” | Honorable mention: “From now on, everybody call me Kristen because I am Wiiging out right now!”

9. Tammy Two – “[A lovely, intelligent, self-possessed pediatric surgeon named Wendy.]” “Sounds like a real whore.”

8. Andy Dwyer – “April is the best. But she’s 20. When April was born, I was already in third grade which means if we were friends back then, I’d have been hanging out with a baby. I don’t know anything about infant care. My god, I could have killed her.”

7. Tom Haverford – “‘Zerts’ are what I call desserts. ‘Trée-trées’ are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz’ with a ‘z’ — I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cacc.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’”

6. Mona Lisa Saperstein – “I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life…. Money, please!” | Bonus video:

5. Jennifer Barkley – “You can trust me because I don’t care enough about you to lie.”

4. Leslie Knope – “We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter, but work is third.”

3. April Ludgate – “They should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people.” | Honorable mention: “I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two true passions.”

2. Ron Swanson – “When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”

1. Donna Meagle*** – “TREAT. YO. SELF.”

***Honestly, any quote by Donna Meagle is a winner. So I honestly can’t pick just one.

I hope this list had some interest to you. But I had fun making it so that’s all that matters.